I knew that The Sisterhood of Traveling Pants was based on a book, but I didn’t need to have known, as I was reminded of the fact every five minutes throughout the film. The sixteen-year-old-girls – and even one twelve-year-old – are all either extraordinarily intelligent, or have had their dialogue written by a literary adult. Their speech was always so articulate, I never once believed that the teenagers would actually say the things they all so commonly said.

More significantly, The Sisterhood of Traveling Pants is just too big for its britches. It encompasses a number of weighty themes in its two hours, none of which are given enough time to be thoroughly developed. Sisterhood tells four different stories, any of which could have sustained its own movie. I’m not sure how these stories played out in the book, but I’m willing to bet my pants they made more sense there. The fact that Sisterhood’s stories are so unfulfilling is simply a sign of poor screen-adaptation.

Sisterhood introduces us to four supertightfriends who are splitting up for the summer to engage in various pursuits. They write to each other while away, and also send a pair of pants amongst each other throughout the summer. The pants, they discovered, had the magical property of fitting all four of them perfectly, and so they see the pants as a symbol of friendship and good luck. But I must admit, other than serving as a connector between four totally unrelated stories, I really didn’t see the purpose in the pants. I have no doubt that they played a more significant role in the book, but it just didn’t come off well here.

Aside from issues in the script, I plain didn’t like the conflict resolutions provided in each story either. Lena (Alexis Bledel) goes to stay with her grandparents in Greece for the summer. She soon becomes attached to a native, but is forbidden, because her grandfather is on bad terms with his grandfather. Lena learns to become “assertive,” as if a lack of assertiveness were a problem among teens, but a great chance for a tale of forgiveness is bypassed.

Bridget’s (Blake Lively) story also focuses in on a forbidden romance. She’s at a soccer club in South America and falls for one of the coaches – who is fully off-limits. The most bizarre and most incomplete of the four stories, we eventually learn that Bridget’s fool-hardiness has something to do with her inability to come to terms with her mother’s death. The resolution is blurred, obscured, and wholly unsatisfying.

It’s not saying much, but Libby’s (Amber Tamblyn) story is the best. Though something of a rebel, she spends most of her time filming a documentary about people in her neighborhood. But Libby comes to learn a lot more about life from a spunky 12-year-old who’s dying of cancer. Don’t ask me what exactly Libby has gotten from Bailey (Jenna Boyd), but we’re supposed to believe that, whatever it is, it’s changed her life – and that’s touching.

The very worst story involves Carmen (America Ferrera), whose story alone is enough to make me dislike the movie altogether. Carmen lives with her divorced mother, but is going to live with her father Al (Bradley Whitford) for the summer. Shockingly, Al is going to get married to someone else – and though we’re never given any real reason to, I finally figured out that we’re supposed to dislike the new woman. Al appears to give more attention to his new family than her, and when this bratty little girl doesn’t get her way, she throws rocks and runs away. Halfway through, I was thinking this was by far the strongest of the four stories, because the film would genuinely touching, for once, when she finally realizes how self-centered she’s been and learns to accept her new step-family. Unfortunately, in a nauseating finale, Carmen’s pride is vindicated and the other’s give in to her instead.

As the film winds to a close, the girls return and express sympathy for each other’s “hardships,” fooling us into being uplifted by believing that the girls friendship is what got them all through the summer, even though we’re given no evidence that that’s really the case. The Sisterhood of Traveling Pants is the classic manipulator. Lots of epiphanies and sentimental moments, but little substance and only vague conclusions.