Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous. Why? Wasn’t the only good thing about the first one Candice Bergen? And wasn’t she done away with at the end? Why would we want to see a sequal? Armed and Fabulous? What were they thinking? I was actually fairly optimistic going into the film. I figured, with a title that bad, they must have a product to back it up. Why would they even want to try to market a bad movie with such a title?

Alas, my question goes unanswered. I have no idea why. And after seeing the movie, I’m convinced the title is just about the best thing it has going for it. Beginning within recent memory of the first movie, Armed and Fabulous presents us with Gracie Hart (Sandra Bullock) now a celebrity after the success of the Miss America bust. She then is chosen to be the face of the FBI. The face of the FBI? Since when did the FBI have a face? So she’s given a stylist (Dietrich Bader) to make sure she always looks pristine. Do you think he’ll be overtly, comically gay?

Some crooks in Las Vegas kidnap William Shatner and Miss America (Heather Burns) and hold them for ransom. Gracie is sent down to Las Vegas for public relations. Since when did the FBI have a pseudo-celebrity as spokesman for their cause? Gracie is given a body guard, Sam (Regina Fuller), a tough black-chick with a temper. Gracie and Sam start out at each other’s throats, but do you think they’ll end up best friends by the end? Gracie and her entourage arrive in Las Vegas (do you think we’ll get overhead shots of the strip at night?) and proceed to exceed their bounds by investigating the case themselves, despite the objections the regional director. Do you think they’ll be able to solve the mystery anyways?

Armed and Fabulous comes across as a weak version of Lethal Weapon. Gracie is the off the wall chick while Sam doesn’t put up with crap. They run into a hodgepodge of problems and succeed in beating the crap out of any guys that get in their way. Bullock also sports multiple disguises to get information, one of which fails even to reach Jim Varney’s Ernest. At one point they dress up in mock drag of Tina Turner and Co. Do you think they’ll end up performing?

Plot holes and inane conventions aside, Armed and Fabulous just isn’t that funny. It digs around the bottom of the joke barrel and doesn’t manage to come up with much. There’s absolutely nothing fabulous about it.

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