In Q & A format, He’s Just Not That Into You offers fun, helpful advice for single women trying to read “mixed messages” from guys. Such mixed messages include guys who seem to express interest, but won’t call or won’t ask them out. Author Greg Behrendt’s message: forget about it. Most likely, they’re not playing games, they’re just not that into you.

Though the advice is sound, after about three chapters of “he’s just not that into you,” it becomes tiring. It's answer after answer, each saying the same thing. Fortunately and unfortunately, gears begin to shift a third of the way through, moving into strange territory. Continuing the same answer format, Greg spends a whole chapter dedicated to the idea that, “if he’s not trying to take his clothes off you, he’s just not that into you.” Later chapters include staying away from guys who are sleeping with other women, are married, abuse them, or who excessively use drugs or alcohol. Good advice, I’m sure, for some women out there.

I like what Greg has to say, generally speaking. Except for the “if he likes you he will want to sleep with you” chapter, I can’t say that there’s anything he says that I disagree with. I think there are a lot of good women out there who stay with men because, as Greg puts it, it is preferable to loneliness. But Greg makes a great case that being lonely while you wait for the right person is much better than enduring an emotionally difficult relationship. Greg provides case after case where the woman simply ought to leave the man, and I think that he’s right that the woman will be better off in (nearly) all the cases provided.

He’s Just Not That Into You is clever, actually, in the way it sets up its argument. It provides a number of cases, each of which result in Greg telling the woman to leave the man. But then it provides counter-examples, or seeming exceptions to the rule, and then Greg knocks those down fairly well as well. In a constantly blunt and serious, yet lighthearted, tone, Greg lays out it straight.

The only real problem with the book seems to be where it tries to extend beyond its premise. Though addressed with sensitivity, it addresses itself to women who are in these difficult relationships and seems to suggest that simply walking away will solve their problems. I cannot count the number of times it tells the reader that she is a great, smart, beautiful woman who deserves better – a fact which, most likely, is probably true more often than not. But it seems to me that many of the women who end up with guys with serious issues also have issues of their own – issues that are contributing to the problem. The guys in the examples are largely dead beat guys who really are best avoided. But it seems like some honest communication would probably be a good idea before getting up and leaving in a number of the cases.

In the end, I don’t think He’s Just Not That Into You reveals anything that someone with a good head on her shoulders doesn’t already know, but for a certain segment of the population, it’s probably some pretty good advice.

07/05